My 2015 non-partisan manifesto.
- Tougher clamp downs on yoghurt advertising.
- Ban airbrushed images of celebrities.
- Ban celebrities.
- Everyone must walk on the left. If you’re not sure where you’re going, stay at home until you’ve made up your mind.
- Families will be limited to one dickhead per household.
- House of Lords will be disbanded and replaced with a repeating episode of Jim Hensen’s Muppet Show.
- Wednesday will be renamed to Shitday. Let’s be honest about what kind of day it really is.
- Thursday will be renamed to FFSday.
- All bus timetables will be replaced with the words ‘A bus will be along at some point. Just wait. (Might be tomorrow).’
- Hedgehogs to be reinstated.
- Free parking (except on Shitdays and double rate on FFSdays)
- Ban cars
- Katie Hopkins to be sent to Mars, to oversee colonisation plans.
- Mars Colonisation budget to be scrapped.
- More dogs in the workplace
- More to follow…